Single in the City : Adventures in Urban Dating











{August 24, 2008}   Red Flags and Deal Breakers

10 dates in 10 days. It’s been an interesting experience. Not only have I gained insight into the process of “the first date” but I have also become acutely aware of lurking deal breakers and red flags that have the ability to end a date immediately, mid-sentence, “Check please! Thanks for coming. Good luck and have a nice life!” Strangely enough, one of those deal breakers happens to be the inability to use chopsticks! Growing up in Vancouver, the veritable birth place of sushi and many other things Asian, it is inexcusable to be maladroit with regards to chopsticks and their use! This deal breaker came screaming into existence on my date with Realtor Rick. After a cocktail at the ever pretentious Opus Lounge in Yaletown, we took a wonder up the street and found a late night Japanese restaurant. More hungary than I originally thought, I order a big bowl of yakisoba noodles. Realtor Rick orders dry-fry chicken bits. Our food arrives, I pick up my chopsticks and he digs in….with his fingers. I have no problem with finger foods and in fact, some Japanese food does lend itself to be consumed this way. However, my curiosity is peaked. I asked him if he could use chopsticks. He told me he has used them once in the past (like 12 years ago) but finds the fork a much more efficient food proffering device. What about rolls? How do you, Realtor Rick, eat for example a BC Roll? A Dynamite Roll?  A Soft Shelled Crab Roll? With his fingers of course! In my mind, I’m seeing the reel of subsequent dates with this guy, his fingers covered up to the third knuckle with black soy sauce and green wasabi paste. O dear! I console myself with the fact that I could eat Japanese alone, we could always stick to pasta. I try and drown the thought by focussing solely on my delicious bowl of noodles. The conversation continues along the vein of foods, cultures and dating.  He asked me if I date other “races” and I ask him to clarify. “You know, do you like people who aren’t white?” I pause, chopsticks half way to my mouth; I can feel a red flag just beyond the horizon of this conversation. He doesn’t yet know of my past and the beautiful Chinese love I’ve just left behind. Yes, I tell him, I am attracted to all different kinds and colours for the simple reason that we are all humans and chemistry, for me anyway, is beyond skin deep. Then, out of his mouth falls the most atrocious admission I have heard in a long, long time, “I think that Asians look like monkeys and Blacks look like apes.” I am stunned. The red flag is full mast and the wind is blowing strong. I put my chopsticks down, having lost my appetite. Realtor Rick is done. With a deal breaker and a red flag on the very first date, it’s clear this one will not make it for a second round.  Although the bill has yet to be paid and the goodbyes have yet to be said, the date has officially ended. “Check please! Thanks for coming. Good luck and have a nice life!”

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yk says:

I think people have a right to be attracted to who they want–obviously attraction can’t be forced. To me, the capacity to see beauty in someone isn’t the same as being sexually attracted to them. Besides, if beauty were only skin deep, criteria like shortness, baldness, or small penis size would be irrelevant 🙂



yk says:

Of course, that guy sounds like a total tool.



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