Single in the City : Adventures in Urban Dating











{July 4, 2008}   Fake Tits

Being single again means being painfully aware of my body and all it’s charming (and not so charming) “quirks”. In the most vulnerable time between breakup and first date, there are certain anxieties that we must face. The first kiss; do I have bad breath? The first feel up; did I remember to put on my Victoria’s Secret? The first fully naked moment (not including a surprise flash from the blinding white screen of the Mac while receiving spontaneous oral sex); Oh My God! Are those really my breasts? Last I looked 10 years ago, they were a tad…perkier!  There seems to be so many new things to worry about – things I wouldn’t have given a second thought when I was safe and sound in a secure relationship.  My insecurities have driven me to the internet. Research Project: Fake Tits has begun.   The before and after pictures look great, but will mine really have those same results? There are so many things to consider like: how to get the stuff in there? Armpit? Nipple? Bellybutton? Or the stuff actually in question – silicone, saline, some kind of gel? What about the shape – round, natural, smooth?  And the placement – above the muscle or below? Also to consider is the price tag: fake tits don’t come cheap. A pair of rubber tatas will run you anywhere from 4 -10Gs. But wait -there is financing! I can pay off my new set over several months or years if I so choose. Oh the options!  It seems like it may be something to consider. I have been warned, however to check out the surgeon performing the operation. Apparently everybody wants in on the plastic surgery game – even dentists!

It seems a shame that women can’t be satisfied with their natural, normal bodies. I used to scoff at those girls brimming with bust – now I envy them. I want a pair, too!

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