Single in the City : Adventures in Urban Dating

{May 24, 2008}   May 23

Dear Blog,

Working today felt like forever. The end of the day couldn’t come fast enough. For most of the day I was able to keep my thoughts about “what’s next?” at bay – I did this by working through lunch, becoming completely immersed to the point of obsession in the task at hand and filling in the quiet moments with menial activities. The prize for my diligent mind control? Coming home to an empty house with note left on the kitchen table:

“Thought we could use a few days apart. I’m staying with a friend.”

God, I don’t know if my stomach can handle the stress! Never in my wildest did I think that it would be him leaving me. He did, however, give me an ultimatum last night: let’s live together and be happy or we can split up because you want a family. I don’t take to ultimatums very well. I know that if I stay with him and lie to myself about wanting to start a family, my desire to become pregnant will only become more resolute. Then again, if I leave, and I can’t imagine starting up again with somebody else so soon – how long until the next one (if there is a next one) decides the time is right? I’m past 30, how much time have I got?

My gypsy soul tells me to pack my bags and head out into the world. That’s how it’s always worked for me. A relationship ends and I invariably end up leaving the country. The last time took me to Korea for 2 years. But I’ve changed, I’ve settled a bit and I’ve got an eye on the future like I’ve never had before. The thought of going through life with no children makes me shudder.

I think I’ll take a bubble bath, read some manga and phone mom. Maybe after the weekend things will be a little more clear.

Signing off,

G4 AKA GoGoGadgetGirl


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