Masturbating. It seems to be  the only way to guarantee me an orgasm these days. I’m not entirely sure what is going on in bed with my partner but it doesn’t always figure me into the picture of orgasmic release. I’m enjoying the sex we have, but it always ends the same way – his orgasm and not mine. I’m not so sure he’s confident in the art of “being there” or even in the art of any kind of subtle seduction. He just “goes for it”. Hands and fingers right into the honey pot without even licking the lid first. Too direct. Not enough eroticism. For me, that is. For him – that’s all he needs. A whiff of potential and then it’s all over. I have to wonder what I am not communicating. “Slow down” seems to be fairly straightforward. He is like an eager little puppy that piddles at the first sight of the leash. I may be forced to take this Indian Retriever back to Listening to Commands 101. In the mean time, as he rolls over and sleeps my own fingers and fantasies go to work. Satisfaction 100% guaranteed.

Saturday night was supposed to be my night – the whole evening was promised to be dedicated to my sexual pleasure alone…and how I was looking forward to it! I was told I could use him has I wished – he would be my slave for the evening as he was going to take Viagra to guarantee everything would be up and ready. But after five glasses of red wine, not even the Viagra could cut through the vino buzz. I was ready to go, as five glasses of anything only serves to, well…, serve me but not so him. He came in about two seconds and fell asleep – without a smile, a hard-on, or a satisfied partner! The expectation of a great evening dissipated into great disappointment that not even medical science could have remedied.

After two months of hard core trying, it happened! And OMG – it was worth the wait (well, almost)! A combination of dirty talk, the right place, the right pressure and the fact that I finally admitted to myself how much I actually cared for my lover brought the religion out of me for the first time in a long while. Thinking back on my whole bank of sexual experiences (I’ve had a lot) I can’t seem to recall ever having an orgasm with a one night stand, a friend with benefits or somebody I didn’t really love. It took me two whole months to sort out my feelings for my tall Indian lover – coincidentally, it took the same amount of time to “reach my peak of desire”. But having climbed that fence once, I’m now running free in the field on the other side! Contrary to popular belief (mine included) my lover needn’t be hung like a water buffalo to satisfy his darling. Coming had more to do with how I felt about him rather than how he felt inside of me. The physically stuff is great – no misunderstandings, but the spiritual, the mental, the untouchable aspect of having sex, or in my case making love, is when the amazing things happen. And like just like anyone who has had a religious experience, I’m now a confirmed believer: size is not all that matters!

It’s been two months of being with the same lover and I have yet to achieve an orgasm. Without pointing fingers or intimating blame, I have to confess that this is unusual, even for myself. It does take me awhile to get turned on to the point of orgasm and it usually involves several different techniques including, but not limited to kissing, nipple licking (mine, not his), manual stimulation (mine, not his) and hitting at least two of my erogenous zones: back of the shoulder, behind the knee, and lower back. Between his rapid rabbit like style of thrust and my neediness of attention to the finer details, coming has been a challenge – not for the lack of trying, however. My lover and I enjoy a healthy sex life with regards to frequency. Quantity is not an issue – it’s the Quality that has got me a bit concerned. I’m not sure he feels the same way as both his Qs are on par. I have mentioned this seemingly inconsequential fact to him and his response was this: “Whenever you’re ready, baby”. I was ready! So ready in fact, that after he finished in the typical style and form (and fell asleep), I indulged in a bit of self-love… and came in about two seconds! Why can’t he do that for me? Perhaps I’ve got to become a better communicator in the bedroom, or perhaps he needs a map, a book on “how to”, and a good dose of Ritalin! Whatever it may be, the frustrating question isn’t whether or not to come but rather when the hell is it going to happen?

I’ve had a bit of a debate going with myself regarding the size of my lover’s penis. The bigger the better? It’s how you use it? It’s all about girth?  Although these questions linger, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is really how you feel about your lover that matters, and quite often, makes up for the size of the damn thing! My current lover is not overly endowed but he has the drive of a rabbit and the stamina of a bull. He is passionate, spontaneous and, to an extent, giving. Have I had wild, crazy orgasms in his presence? Not yet – but that may have less to do with the size of his cock than the feelings I have just recently sorted out for him. Only time will tell. For me, sex, making love, fucking, shagging, and doing it are a joint venture between body and mind.  Without the permission of one, the other has no fun. Will a huge lob tilt the balance either way? Again, a question that will for the moment have to hang, no pun of course. What I do know for certain is that sex has been great fun without the great size.