In the continual pursuit for it, I’ve realized that it’s all about letting it go. Letting it ALL go. When I can simply pull the plug on my thoughts, expectations and anticipation and let everything swirl down the drain – it happens. Chasing it down, having a goal and being success-driven misses the point entirely. It’s all about enjoying the process. And when it does come, it comes BIG. I am, of course, talking about the elusive female orgasm. The one that is not supposed to have a biological purpose but because women do, it has puzzled scientists (who must be all men). The elusivity of my own, however, has puzzled me in recent months. After a huge emotional break up seven months ago, I’ve been chasing the big O like some pursue double chocolate cheese cake. What I’ve discovered is that when my mind is not ready – my body is not ready either. One cannot act without consent from the other. A shame really, when men can so easily divide up the connection with ease. Jumping into bed with a stranger will never bring about the desired results for me…and I end up mentally chasing something that won’t physically exist until I let go the chase and bring my mind and body together for the event. Being in love, helps. So, finally, and with regularity, I am coming! Coming instead of chasing. After more than 15 years of being sexually active, I’ve figured out a little bit more about me.
Sex while menstruating. Yes? Just roll out the old beach towel. No? Avoid it like the plague and masturbate for a week. Maybe? Penetration but no oral.
It seems to be when I want it most – tampon, cock and all!
Thoughts?
Choosing the right birth control method combined with being a woman, avec hormones, is a frightening prospect. Being in a sexually monogamous relationship for a few months has necessitated the need to guard against ….anything unwanted. Off to the pharmacist I went, prescription for the NuvaRing in hand. The first month was fantastic – no pill to remember to take and NO CONDOMS! My lover’s excitement of actually being able to come inside me was palpable (no pun). The first week into the second month however, told a different story. It started right after my period when the ring went back in. I woke up with a piercing headache in my left temple – which didn’t go away for a week- followed by intensely dangerous mood swings (I’m not proud – but I did physically abuse my love, the full powered boxercize punch I delivered to his left arm won’t soon be forgotten). The inability to wake up in the morning despite 12 hours of sleep did not help matters. Not to mention the bad dreams, increased appetite and feeling generally not myself. Crazy, in fact. Crying one minute, angry at nothing the next. The weekend spent with IndiaLove turned into a scene out of the Exorcist and prompted him to do some research into the side effects of the ring – I think he must have feared for his life, or certainly the future of our relationship. After reading some other women’s accounts of their experience with the ring, I dashed to the loo and took the damn thing out. The next morning, I felt back to my regular happy self. Thank god – I thought I might be certifiably crazy.
